What not to do 

This past Sunday, we studied a lesson about parents nurturing their children properly. As Paul put it, Christians should “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). That same verse also says that fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath. Children need discipline to be raised as the Lord has instructed, but improper discipline can lead children to wrath. How can parents provoke their children to wrath?

1. Punish them for things they did not do.  We are to care for our children like our Father cares from us. The Bible is clear that God is just, so we also need to be just with our young (I John 1:9).

2. Be inconsistent with your punishment. Christians know good from evil because God has pointed these things out. Similarly, our children must know what our standards are (II John 9-10).

3. Only criticize, never compliment. If brothers and sisters in Christ need building up, certainly our sons and daughters do too (I Thess. 5:11).

4. Belittle and mock. Criticism can hurt, but mocking and embarrassing a child can crush their spirit. This is nothing more than foolish talking and jesting (Eph. 5:4).

5. Make unreasonable demands. Having unrealistic expectations for your child will cut them to the core. Children need to be learn to do things, but giving impossible tasks is just cruel. Children do childish things, and it is foolish to think otherwise (I Cor. 13:11).

6. Administer disproportionate punishment. Parents use judgment to decide when and how to punish. Without love though, a child could end up with a punishment disproportionate to their error (Heb. 12:6).

7. Punish them for things you do as a parent. Nothing will confuse and anger a child faster than being punished for things they see their parents do. Children need proper examples, and parents need to lead that effort (I Tim. 4:12).

8. Show favoritism with your children. It will only hurt all of your children if they see a parent favor one child. This will certainly produce anger (Gen. 37:4).

9. Allow disobedience to go unpunished. It might seem counterintuitive, but children will eventually learn to despise a parent who gives them everything. This is why our heavenly Father stated He will not be mocked (Gal. 6:7). Mocking comes when a child does not reap what he sows, but we can be assured that God will punish all disobedience.

10. Giving them too much freedom. Immature parents think they are benefiting their child by letting them decide everything. Children need to make more of their own decisions as they age, but they still need guidance. Without it, they will be provoked to anger (Prov. 22:6). “Train” means to teach, so be their teacher!

11. Treat them as an inconvenience. If you want to provoke a child, then make it clear that you resent them. Anyone can have a child, but it does not automatically make them a good parent (Eph. 6:4).

As adults, we may remember times where we were provoked to anger as children. This is not an excuse to repeat the cycle by provoking our own children. We have no excuse for not being faithful.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Chuck